I usually spend Fridays recounting the things that I am loving this week, but I wanted to take today to talk about things forgotten that I want to make sure that I remind myself. It is easy for me to brush unpleasant and sub optimal times in my life aside or forget them all together. I am very good at compartmentalizing and I used it as a coping mechanism growing up and during the times I was using. I became so good at it that it’s second nature to me and if I am not careful, I will push away things that I need to deal with in order to avoid undesirable feelings.
One of the things that I want to remind myself of is that I didn’t always eat well. If you’ve read my About Me page, you know that my relationship with food was often confusing at best and disordered at worst. I have had people say that they will never be able to eat the way that I eat and seem to elevate me to some kind of clean eating guru. What I was reminded of yesterday was that I did not start off that way.
When I moved in with Neil, my diet consisted of roast beef sandwiches from Subway on flat bread with mayo and cheese and chocolate chip cookies every day. When I was using I would buy gallons of Cold Stone and eat them on the couch. When I stopped going to meetings and exercise became my new addiction, I went to the opposite extreme and limited my food intake based on calories, sugar, whatever.
It wasn’t until I did some work on myself and gained some acceptance that I was able to shift to a more intuitive model of eating. I stopped looking at calories and I ate good foods when I was hungry. I didn’t deny myself sweets if I wanted them; I just found that the less sugar I ate on a regular basis, the less I craved it. It took me YEARS to get to where I am today, so you shouldn’t expect to change your lifestyle overnight. Be compassionate with yourself. Love yourself.
I wanted to remind myself of that because it has now become commonplace for me to choose healthier eating options and I can convince myself that it was always easy for me. It wasn’t. I don’t think it’s easy for anyone (if it is, props to you!). A healthy perspective and some compassion go a long way and it is possible to do anything you want to if you are willing.
Question of the day: What’s something you want to remind yourself about?